Monday, December 20, 2010

Yo yo yo. I mean, ho ho ho.

Shampoo, conditioner, face wash, body wash, mousse, baby powder, lotion, toothpaste, pomade, eye drops, Prilosec OTC, AND cologne.

Geez. Every morning after I take a shower to wash off all the funk, I put all of this crap back on my body. I'm a walking CVS. Or Walgreens, depending on which corner your on. How do I expect to "keep it real" when every morning I put on every chemical known to man to make myself presentable for the world? BUT I do it because I'm single and I gotta do what I gotta do if I'm going to not die that way. Seems to have worked so far, right?

Oh yea.

Still single.

I am back home now! No more Denver. Not that it was a bad city, just wasn't home. After spending six months there, I kind of figured it'd be good to actually spend some time in the apartment I'm paying for. But honestly, my apartment up there was WAY cooler than this one so it's kind of disappointing. Yet I'd rather be in my crappy apartment in Arlington than the nice, clean, comfortable, new smelling, big tv having, nice furniture, matching dishes having, FREE... wait, what's my point?
Oh yea.
So nice to be home. Hanging with the people I like to hang with instead of Randy, Thirsty's resident "me" and Melissa, the cool bartender with the boyfriend. Not that they aren't cool people. Just cool for Thorton. It was kind of fun people watching there, though. There was always something on. Like the scary old guy with the Zach Morris haircut or was all drugged up, the fat old lady with the tramp stamp that she couldn't WAIT to show anyone, the lesbian, and of course, the tall skinny lady who loved to do karaoke... and sounded like my ass after chinese food.
Speaking of racism, got another story for you. Went to Applebee's with the bossman last week and apparently, it's the place for your karaoke needs on Thursday nights. The manager comes up to our table and says, "I have a proposition for you. We do karaoke on Thursday nights and we use this table for it. I can move you to another table and I'll buy you guys a round."
Well, hell yes we're moving. As we're gathering our things, he says, "You can be the first to sign up, too." My boss, being the shy (pft) guy he is tells him that he doesn't sing but that I would. So the manager, with a straight, pale face asks, "What are you going to sing, 'La Bamba'?"


I was so taken back by his racism, I didn't know what to say. "That was rude" was all that I had. He says, "No, I just wanted to hear it!" Then why didn't you ask the big white guy at the table?

Haven't been working out as much since I got home. Just got really drunk. I mean busy. When I get off of work, I don't want to do jack but smoke cigarettes and drink beer. It's America's pastime, right? Or is that just me?
Anyway, Mac's has been letting me book bands for them once a month. REALLY cool. And a shit ton of fun. I love being able to do that again. Even got to book Cindy's band last weekend. They were AWESOME!! Proud brotha right here. I'm going to try to convince them to let me manage. But don't tell nobody.

Next step for work is supposed to be Minneapolis. Yup. Where the average temperature in January is 4 degrees. Where it snowed so much, the effing ROOF caved in. The roof. It's not on fire, it's covered in freaking snow and collapsing inside the stupid stadium. What the eff am I supposed to do with 4 degrees? Mexican's don't do that much coldness. The only time we are that cold is when we walk into the walk in freezer at your local restaurant. Don't lie - you know it's true.
Speaking of Minneapolis, I still want to punch Brett Favre in the face. Just thought I'd throw that in there.

Bryan got a job with me. That's both a good thing and a bad thing. With Jason, B, Josh, and Stephen all in the same building, you pretty much have to have HR on speed dial. I'm sure the ladies in the room have 4 out of the 5 digits on their phones pressed daily, just WAITING for one of us to "go too far". Eh. Whatcanyado...
I'm glad he's there, though. Makes for good times.

So Christmas is coming up and I have yet to even start shopping. I'm hoping Santa, this year, will just bring me presents to give to other people so I don't have to do it. I have 1 out of 254 that I have to buy. Just not motivated to go out and spend more money. I hate last minute shoppers. They're always in a bad mood. Like it's MY fault you like to procrastinate. OUCH! I think I just bit my tongue...
(Badoom chic)

Speaking of "badoom chic", I sent that to my mother the other day via text message. She had no clue what that meant. I told her to sound it out and she still couldn't hear it. I "laughed out loud", but I'm sure she didn't know what that meant either.

Gonna get up and run in the morning. I ain't trying to be a fat ass again. It's not enough to use so many chemicals that I could be radioactive. I gotta try and look sexy too. Like I said. Still single. Just saying.

Until next time...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Ok. I get it. My blog sucks. I'm sorry I got kinda busy LIVING REAL LIFE to post shit on here. Ha.
Just kidding.

So much to talk about. Let's start with the ridiculous.

Marco got married a couple of weekends ago. How wild is that! My nigga is all grownsed up. Tear. I love Whitney, though, so it's all gravy. The wedding was REAL tight. But of course... there's a story. Like to hear it, here it go:
So Marco wanted the groomsmen to meet at Dave and Buster's at noon just to hang out for a bit before we had to meet at the place to take pictures and whatnot. Which was a-ok with me. I had gone out the night before and woke up a little tipsy still so I wanted to see how far I could keep this going. So I got there around noon thirty and everyone is drinking water and tea.... uh uh. Not this fool. I had to get a beer. Ordered a Bud Light and felt a little awkward, but I figured it would go away after the first one. Drank up there and headed toward the place to get there by 3pm. Pictures aren't until 5pm so we got about 2 hours to kill. So what do we do? What anyone in that position would do - drank beer and played poker until it was time for pics. Which was pushed back, after awhile, until 6pm. Sweet. Keep drinking.
Time for pictures and we're out of beer. Oh but wait... what's this? A bottle of wine? Ok! So we crack it open and drink 'er up. Take pictures with big smiles and line up for the wedding... as Zo and I were still hitting up the bottle. As we march down the aisle, I realize that I am not EXACTLY sober, but oh not drunk yet. At all. Just having fun. I realize this because as I'm walking down the aisle, I slap Anthony on the back and stick my finger in Cindy's ear.
After the ceremony, Zo and I find the bottle and finish it up. Hey, the line was long. What do you want from us. The reception was crowded but so much fun. Haven't hung out with some of these folks in a LONG time so of course we're all tripping out and having a grand ol' time. By the end of the wedding, I start feeling a little happy.... so I want to go to Mac's, of course. Why not? Head to Mac's after the wedding and meet some folks there.
Now, let's stop here for a minute. If you know me, you know that I NEVER get too drunk to drive my ass home. That's just not something I do. I always stop soon enough before leaving time to sober up enough to drive. That being said....
I'm sitting with Cindy and Phillip and keep taking shots. As there is yet another sitting in front of me, I turn to them and say, "Alright... if I take this shot, you guys are driving me home." And after trying to pawn me off on someone else (Thanks, "friends". Pft) they drive me home. So I sit shotgun and start talking shit - just because that's what I do. We get to the apartment and I walk inside. This is when I realize where I fucked up....
Now let's stop here and explain again. If you DO know me, you know when I've been drinking, I NEED my phone with me at all times. I am a drunk texter by definition. I think I'm in the dictionary.
After COMPLETELY tearing my apartment up, I realize that I left my phone in the cupholder of the car. Oops. So I sit down and think....
"Alright, Roger. You left your phone in the car. Let's just get your work phone.... oh wait.... it's in your jacket pocket in your car... which is at Mac's...."
So, in my drunken thinking process, I decide to do what any sane-drunk guy would do. I am going to walk to Mac's Tavern to get my damn phone. I consciously decide to put on wind pants and my running shoes - it's a long hike - and take off out of my apartment.
I make it out of my apartment complex parking lot and KNOW this isn't a good idea. But I can't stop walking! So I just keep going. I make it down the street further and look at my shadow walking in front of... who is not exactly walking straight. I think I even yelled at it at some point to straighten up. I try to walk with the line of sidewalk but it's not going so well. So, again, I do what any sane-drunk person would do. I start running. I look better running than not walking straight.
And again... I realize this is a bad idea. So I stop. And now.... man.... I'm tired. I think about sitting down, but realize how bad of an idea that is. I get to I-30 and realize that the bridge across the freeway doesn't really have a spot to walk. So I did what any sane-drunk man would do and started running across the bridge. NOT realizing how fucking long that bridge was. But I kept trucking. Finally made it across and, drenched in sweat, really wanted to stop. But now, I'm so close. So I keep going.
By the time I get to Mac's, I find my phone, realize how ridiculously sober I am, get in my car, and drive home.
Ha. Professional.
Ironically, I make two texts: one to B and the other to Cindy to tell her what I had done and to get my damn phone. Went home and went to bed. Eh. What can ya do....

Birthday party was last weekend. And was an ABSOLUTE success. Didn't hit the mark I was trying to hit, by I still broke the record and I am a-ok with that. Still went home alone, but didn't get there until 5:30am.... eh. What can ya do....

So I was running yesterday for the first time in awhile. And here, at the complex in Denver, it gets pretty busy in the gym. And I hate people in there when I'm trying to run because I get all self-conscious and I feel rushed when people are waiting for the treadmill. Get off me, nigga. So I'm running along and I see this dude walk in... sort of. He had one of those walking "impediments". You know. With the one big shoe? And all that flashed in my head was, "Well, I ain't gotta worry about this nigga...."
Of course, I just shook my head, got off the treadmill, and walked to my apt with my head down. I'm going to hell.

Work is kicking my ass. But that's all I have to say about that. Partly because the boss man reads my blog.

Hi TJ.

On that note, I'll be home this weekend for my dad's and B's birthday. So if you wanna hang, holla at me. I promise I won't leave my phone in the cupholder.

Until next time....

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Drunk talk

Let's do some drunk talk: I like it.
Yes, I did just come back from Thirstys. And yes, it's late. But I made friends tonight. And that's a good thing.
Tonight, I had a purpose. Let's start from the begining....
A long time ago, I didn't like me. I didn't like who I was, didn't like who I was going to be, didn't like who I had been for the past 10 years. And I almost did something stupid. But I asked... I asked why I was here. And I got an answer...
I was told I was here to listen. I was here to be "that guy". I was here to make sure my friends were ok. And I am good at it. I am here to listen to everyone else's problems, make sense of it, and give advise. That's my purpose. I will never deny that. And I LOVE being that guy. I love that people can trust me with that shit and know that what is told to me, is told to ME, and no one else. That makes me feel good.
Tonight, I was listening to a couple of conversations, sitting by myself, and it was funny. First of all, I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette, and heard 3 different conversations about a fight some folks had been in. Not normal. Promise it isn't. Really almost decided to just head to the house (in Texas) and give up on some Colorado folks. But one person came to me and started talking to me about some stuff and it was ok. Told me about her past, her "lesbianism", her religious past, and her disappoinment in people. Called me her "favorite bean", which was racist as shit, but I got over it. Which lead to me meeting another couple. Dude was 22 and the chick was 28, just divorced with 2 kids. Which means she was looking for something he was obviously not. Understandable.
But my purpose.... my purpose was to be here. My purpose was to make sure that people were happy. So I did that. I talked the situation out with both of them. And I did my job. Which makes me feel happy.
I am here to do that. And I know that. No matter where I am, my job is to make sure you're happy. To be that guy. And I am so happy to be "that guy". Because it means that when people talk to me, they know that I am here to listen. I am here to make sure that what you say has meaning. So when ever you have an issue, whenever you don't know what to do, whenever you don't know how to deal, I am here. God told me so. Don't doubt that. I don't.
All in all, folks, my door is open. Don't you EVER doubt that. I can be 642 miles away (DFW to DIA), but I am ALWAYS that guy. Holla.

Until next time...

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Holy delay!

Yea, it's been a couple of weeks. Sue me.
It's been busy here at work. Night time has been spent at dinner and then the gym. So, that's a good thing, I guess. Trying to get down to my "ideal" weight, at least. I only have about 5 lbs to go, which is awesome. But you know me... still won't be happy so I'll have to do something else.
Natalie is gone for the next 2 weeks to Germany. So I have the entire apt to myself until she returns. Not really a good thing, but kinda cool. Get to walk around in my underwear and lay in the middle of the floor and pass gas. All at the same time, if I wanted. AND I get to eat Del Taco instead of sitting down and having a full dinner. That's fat....
Been spending a lot of time at Thirsty's. It's a bad ass place. The bartender knows my name... uh oh. Which means I tip her way too much now. She's a cool chick who sings. And sings WELL! Surprised the crap out of me. She went up and did Red Hot Chili Peppers. What?? Already! Killed it. Gave her a drunken high five at the end of the night. That's how much game I got.
Saw on the news the other day, here in Denver, about a lady who ran off the road because she thought she was being chased by vampires....


And the Denver news team did her REAL sorry. The little box up next to the anchor had a picture of the Count Chocula. Ha. That's just wrong. Crazy bitch.
Also, last week, saw a dude on a croch-rocket, all geared up... with a fanny pack. No, dude. No. That's not how that works. You can't be a G and carry your wallet and change in a pouch on your side. These niggas is wild.
Speaking of wild, I was at Thirstys the other night and was sitting, minding my own business, when this dude walks in that looked like he watched too much Saved By the Bell and just stuck with the Zack Morris hair. Still. This fool had to be at least 45 and HIGH! So high, that he had trouble sitting in the stool. Sat and didn't know what he wanted to order.
"Can I get you something?"
"No, I'm good. Thanks."
Nigga, then why the hell your bring your high ass to the bar??
So the bartender brings him a rum and coke, after way too many questions and some retarded story about his dad and whiskey. I wasn't paying too close attention because I was afraid he was going to start talking to me. Those fools scare me.
"That'll be four dollars."
After fumbling with his wallet for 3 minutes, he hands it to her and says, "I'm just tired. Could you take it out for me?"
(First of all, that's what she said.) When she pulled out a five and brought him back his change, she tries to be nice and makes small talk.
"So you're tired, huh?"
"What's that?"
"Why are you tired?"
"Oh, I'm not tired. I'm actually really alert."
Huh? Fool, you just called your backwoods ass out for being high. The bartender finally got tired (ha) of it and walked away to the other side of the bar, leaving me there with Weirdo McGee. He asked me if that was my girlfriend. I told him no and ran away.
The other night, Nat and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner. Awesome. They were showing the Ranger game - hell yes. As we're there, though, I look over at the bar and there is a dude eating his wings by dipping his finger in the ranch and spreading it on the wing.
That's just weird to me. Dip that motherfucker, dude! Come on. Dippy Diperson.
This next week will be a pretty big one. Natalie is gone so work is JUST me. And HOPING for some really big, really good news for B. AND having the luau at Mac's on Saturday. AND have to get fitted for Marco's wedding this weekend. Crazy, that fool is getting MARRIED in about 3 weeks. AND I have to go the Thristys. Just kidding.
No I'm not.
Well... today is the anniversary of the death of our good friend Brittany Bridge. Eleven years ago today, she went home to God. I've known Brittany since fourth grade. She was part of the GT thing with me. And we miss her, dearly. She was the most awesome person. So, let's do a virtual-blog-toast to our friend.

Until next time...

Sunday, June 27, 2010


First weekend alone in Denver! I would love to say that I went sight seeing, checked out all the roadways, and met some cool people.... but no. Not so much. I spent most of the weekend right here on this couch watching and surfing the web. And by surfing the web, I mean checking my email and Facebook 9,351 times.
Friday night, I did go out with Jackie to a bar down the street from her apartment. Don't ask what it's called because I can't pronounce it, nor can I spell it. BOY were there some characters in there! First off, in the parking lot, we find the drunk birthday girl.
"I'm hammered! Whoooo!", she says. I'm hoping she is just 21 because that's the way she was acting. This girl was all sorts of dressed up, but looked like she just walked out of Walmart, if you catch my drift. I thought her boobs were going to pop out of her dress with all the bouncing she did.
Inside there were more.
There was a little short girl that looked like a blonde Crystal Gayle in high hills. There was even a dude that walked in with a real mullet. On purpose. Also a dude with a shirt that looked like the bathrooms wallpaper. I was going to hang a picture on him, so confused.
What we also found was some black white folks. Lots of those. Crooked hats, big gold chains, and ridiculously sagging pants. I felt old.
Saturday, didn't do much but hit up the treadmill and get a haircut. And then, back to the couch. I was GOING to head downtown for a little fun, but decided that Thirsty's was a better place for me and went there by myself. It was pretty crowded but I did find my spot at the bar and had a good time. Noticed that they sold tshirts..... uh oh. Damn right, I'm getting one. Or three.
Today was more of the same: treadmill and the couch. Going to pick up Natalie later so tonight is done, too.
I will say this: I know I talk a lot of shit about being home (Texas) a lot. I know I used to think that I could move away and not think twice about it. But being up here for a month now, I'm pretty sure that is not in my cards. I was pretty homesick this weekend. Probably because I was by myself, but either way, I wanted to go to Mac's instead of Thirsty's. I wanted to hang out with Bryan and Jered instead of "Lenny" and "Melissa". I wanted to go home and sleep on my own couch instead of the one here. Ha. But what can ya do. Gotta do work, son! Time to grow up. Just wish I wasn't doing it away from all my folks.
This week should fly because of all the work that is to be done. I'll be home this weekend for the Fouth. Should be DAMN good times so I'll keep you posted. As soon as I get up off the couch.

Until next time....

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Class Act

Last night, most of the team and I went to Boulder for dinner. Hit traffic on the way in, of course, but headed for Pearl Street to find something to do. Jason and I were in search of tshirts from a bar - classy, right? Ended up buying some from a place called the Lazy Dog. JUST because the back of it says, "Eat. Drink. Be Lazy". That's my kind of motto.
Went to dinner at The Med, which was pretty cool. Had a Coors Original (classy) and at what I THOUGHT was just penne pasta and sauce. Found out later there was cheese in them there pastas. Oops. Not as bad as I thought, but yea... felt it.
Jason and I went to another bar because he wanted another shirt. Sundown Saloon is my kind of place EXCEPT when I ordered a Bud Light, the bartender spilt it on me. Cool. So I had to walk around with a big beer spot on my shirt, holding two other shirts from another bar, and holding one in my hand (classy).
As we were walking down Pearl, a random homeless dude walked to me and handed me a pine cone and said, "This is for you". How sweet, right? Not weired at all. I felt bad if I just threw it down there so I carried it down the street and threw it at a tree (classy). Figured it wanted to go back home.
FURTHER down the street, we were walking behind this dude that had stopped to look at his phone and "accidentally" farted as we were walking up (classy). And then he makes this sound like, "oops!" like that nigga didn't know it was coming. Really? I don't know about you, but I know when it's coming. And I don't let it go while two dudes are walking up. Ass.
Today, Jason is staying at the apt with me while Natalie is in DC. We had PLANNED on going out and getting hammered since we finally could without driving all over the place. What's up, Thirsty's (classy). Instead, we grab a quick dinner, Jason falls asleep on the couch, and I go for a run. Ended up just watching Alice in Wonderland and calling it a night. That's not gay, is it?
I think I've had it up to here (head) with Facebook and the RIDICULOUS dependence people have on it. If I un"tag" myself from a photo YOU took, don't get mad: it's Facebook. If I don't post a "like" to what stupid activity you're doing at the moment since I DIDN'T post on the one you posted 5 minutes ago, don't get mad: It's Facebook. I have been losing friends daily. But seriously, I have 500+ friends. If I don't know which friend I lost, IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME: it's Facebook. I don't give a shit about your "crops", I don't give a shit about how many coins you need to complete your pirates chest, I don't give a shit about if you need to "attack a paramilitary police force" - I don't even know what that means! IT'S FACEBOOK. It's an internet site that provides a reason to be nosey.

AND to promote when I'm going to have a party.

So don't delete me. And comment on my status. They're pretty classy. I'm serious.

Until next time...

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Well well (black preacher voice)

Apparently, Germany was played in the World Cup on Friday. The only reason I know is because my roommate is German and was up at 5:30am to watch. I "just happened" to wake up at 4:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. Around "game" time, I hear Natalie get up and turn the tv on. For 90 minutes, I she is ALL about this game. Either she's fending off intruder's in our apartment or she is REALLY into this game. Grunts and stomps and all sorts of fanatic noises. Walked out later and she is standing BEHIND a chair in the living room, I guess, because she can't even stand to sit and watch. That's support, right there! I get it.

Just not for soccer.

Anyway, they lose and I'm glad she was working from home that day because I know it would have been hell for her to be in the office. (And for us, too.)

Saw a Kevin Hart at Arlington Improv on Friday night. Good times. Started drinking around 7:30pm and the show didn't start until 11:45pm. Oops. You all know my laugh. Like, I'm pretty sure I can laugh here in Denver and you'd hear me in Dallas. I get it. Which is why I didn't want to sit too close to the stage because my shit tends to be called out from time to time. Luckily, my man B acted a fool and nobody paid attention to me. Ha. It was awesome.
Saturday was supposed to be busy, but ended up being me and B just hanging out all day. He ate at the Green Cactus Tex Mex restaurant in Mesquite (scary) and I just drank my water in peace. I know Mexicans. And this was not one of them. Just saying.
Watched Wicked with some cool folks and then headed to my home, Mac's Tavern afterward. Hung out with more cool folks and finally hit the pillow. I think I had all of 5 hours of sleep since Thursday.

Came into Denver on the ROUGHEST ride I've ever been on. To the point to where I thought to myself, "If I die right now, I'm gonna be super pissed." But made it here and had a Sunday Funday with Jason. Let's just say $4 Jager is a good thing. Our waitress's name was Cinnamon.....

Either she's a whore or her mother was. I'm not judging... just saying.

Home now, getting ready for a ridiculously busy week. Gotta get this airline going and going well. I'm about to attack this shit like Al Queda....

Wow. Too soon?

Until next time....

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Found Jack!

Today was a "good" day at work, if you could call it that. We got further today than we did the last two weeks, which is good, but MAN am I exhausted. Which is why I had to drink tonight... just saying.
Met Sylvia and her husband, Mike, at a place called CB & Potts. Equivalent to Humperdinks, it was not too shabby at all. Except for the waiter. He was pretty inattentive, but all in all, he wasn't THAT bad, I guess. Lakers won... yay.... but otherwise, a pretty good time. Jason, Mike, and I took a shot. That's what we do, I guess. Ate some ribs, which I RARELY do in public just because it gets all messy and with my big Jewish nose, there is bound to be some barbecue sauce on there still now. NOT like last night, though.
Last night, the crew and I went to an Italian restaurant downtown called Maggiano's. VERY good food, but it was family portions. And with 7 people, we STILL couldn't finish it. I left there feeling like I had eaten a small Italian family and topped it off with Tiramisu. Wanted to go out, but there is no way I could've gone anywhere without coming home and exploding first.
FOUND JACK IN THE BOX! Well... didn't really FIND it, but I know where it is. And it isn't far! Thanks to Erin for telling me where it is (because she read my blog... ALREADY!), she called and told me where to find it. It's like finding a dollar - you can't really do anything with it... UNTIL YOU GO TO JACK IN THE BOX and then you can get two tacos. Just saying.
Going home this weekend, but it's a busy one. I got shit planned pretty much every minute I'm there. That's good, though. I won't be at the apt much, but hopefully I can get SOME shit done there so that when I finally do go home for a longer period of time (maybe next July sometime), it will be complete. And probably get drunk in the mean time. Don't judge me.

Until next time....

Monday, June 14, 2010

Got your 80's in my pants

The 80's were about 30 years ago.... and we brought them back in FULL effect on Saturday night. Ha. AWESOME time! Put on my slap bracelet, tight rolled my jeans, and looked fat as HELL in my tucked in white shirt and vest.
Seriously, can't be DJ Sweatervest without a vest. I know own about 4 that I don't think I'll ever wear again. But I'm glad I own them...
Lot's of folks showed up, had a GREAT celebration for Jered and Josh's bdays, and got pretty hammered. It's been awhile so I think I deserved it? Sure. Why not.
VERY nice to see some folks I haven't seen in awhile. Even if it has only been about 2 weeks, I really miss my folks down there. And Mac's is home, man! I freaking love that place. Ain't nothing like it.
The flight back was weird. I didn't sleep much at ALL Saturday night (for reasons I'll leave be) and was still pretty hammered on Sunday. Something was stupid with the airline so we didn't get our seat assignments until we got to the gate. Ended up in the VERY last row. Next to a hot chick, but there was a little child on the other side of her so that's where her attention was. Except.... except when I was falling asleep and I kinda sorta fell towards her seat in my slumber.... yup.... good impressions. Go me.

Jason came up this week to work with us up here so it's been cool. Took him to Thirsty's yesterday and it was like being back at the Stumble Inn without the bad jokes and biker folks. Plenty of white folks to go around, just no biker folks. Played some pool, drank some alcohol, and was back home by 11pm. Like I said: we're responsible alcoholics. Still in the company van so I am not about to trip.
Speaking of the company vehicle, for dinner that night, Natalie and I took Jason to a place up I-25 called Rock Bottom Brewery. Because of my gay ass expired ID (yes, the renewal is on the way but I haven't received it yet), they wouldn't serve me beer so we had to go next door to the Cheeky Monk. The only think I can think of when I say that is "Hi moy name is Soyman. And I loyk to do drawrings...." Old SNL is awesome. Anyway, on the way back we realized the the back seat to Big Bertha was REALLY secure to the bottom of the floor.... so we hit a bump. And all I see in the rearview mirror is Jason flying through the air and hitting his head on the roof. I almost had to pull over, I was laughing so hard. The van is so freaking big to begin with, and Jason's head is so over-sized, that he was just bouncing away. Looked like a bobble head. Tripped out! Nat thought it was a little too dangerous for that to happen so we got to change the van out for a smaller model. Rolling in style in a Dodge, baby! Still have the tape deck, but it also comes with a cd player. Whatcanyado...

Having this fool up here is good AND very bad. We were sitting in a meeting this afternoon with the team and the words, "you have to take out your package..." came out of her mouth.


So if you know Jason and I, we are like 13 year old boys in grown ass men bodies. And I KNEW he would laugh so I tried not to look at him. Caught a glimpse of his head falling and that was it for me. Laughed even harder because I was trying to hold it in. This fool is going to get me in trouble. But I freaking love it. Don't get to make those jokes up here so I'm glad he's here.
At dinner, the words were, "that's a huge jalapeno".

That's what she said.

Anywho, trying not to get into too much trouble. But he's here next week and the girls are out to a conference on Wed. So he's staying at the apt with me. We'll see how well Thur and Fri morning go. I'll keep you posted.

Still no Jack in the Box. I guess Jack don't like prairie dogs, Subway, and liquor stores.

Until next time...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Subway and Liquor

Denver: Eat fresh and get hammered.
I swear, in Thornton, anyway, there is a Subway and and liquor about every 3 blocks. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen! I don't understand who wants a sandwich and a fifth of vodka??
Ok.... maybe that's not that bad.....
Speaking of eating, Natalie and I went to dinner tonight with a lady who kinda invited herself. I say "kinda" because my momma told me if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all.

Which brings me to my next point, this will be my last post ever in life.

You all know that ain't me.
Anyway, Nat and I were talking about having dinner somewhere in Boulder for sushi and a lady overheard us and says, "I don't like sushi, but I'm sure I can order something else on the menu".
What the hell? Really? Yea, order something else - at the burger joint YOU'RE going to since ain't nobody invited you with us! What kind of non-friend having, 46 cats at home, "It's Pat" lookin' person does that?? That's just rude.
Being the nice people we are (hold for laughter), she came along and it really wasn't bad. She's a nice woman, just a little too pushy and strange. Eh. What can ya do....
Boulder is pretty awesome. It's kind of like Austin, but cleaner. FULL of hippies, but like, the new wave hippie. To where they'll where hemp dresses and not wash their hair for weeks, but drink coffee and spend $36 on a tshirt and eat sushi. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that's kinda not the same.
Had a vodka-7 with dinner that came out pink, for some reason. Not sure if it was the glass or the vodka or just my eyes turning 30, but that shit was pink. Tried to get Natalie to taste it. Her response: "Thursday is not vodka day".
Guess I missed that memo.

Denver radio SUCKS! Bad. And it doesn't help that Big Bertha only has a tape deck. Guess I'll have to bring my tapes back with me this weekend. I'm sure we'll be jamming to some Digital Underground or Heavy D but it's better than the 3 song commercial breaks these fools are trying to pull. Seriously, 46 different stations, EVERYBODY talking. Ain't that a....

I'll tell you something else about Denver folks, they don't give a FUCK about a red light. Either these folks are color blind or they are some straight up G's who don't give a DAMN about getting T-boned. I guess they have some bad ass insurance 'round these parts.

So I've been running/walking a lot more lately now that I'm not going out as much here. Hopefully so I can come home some hot mexican dude and finally go on a date with someone besides Bryan. I mean he's cool and all, but... not really the same. Told Stephen Lopez about the tredmill workings and he asked if there was a Bud Light on a string in front of it.
He's a funny guy.....

I'm going home this weekend! Hitting up the 80's party at Mac's on Saturday night (brought to you by your's truely). Should be good times. Haven't done karaoke since the Sunday I left and I'm fixin' ta SANG! See ya there? Yea. That's what I thought. Tight roll your jeans and come say hi to me.

Until next time....

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Two trains, one moring....

So I don't know how it works, but we got stopped by 2 different trains on the way to work today. Someone REALLY didn't want us to ge there on time. Hey... can't fight the forces of the world. Just saying.
This week has been a lot better than last week, as far as missing home. Maybe because I've actually been "working out" lately. Walking/running for an hour an a half a day. Kinda feels good. And I know if I were at home, I'd be drinking. A lot. Eh.... Still rather do that. Don't judge me.
I'd also like to give a BIG Happy Anniversary to the Fox's, Cece and Jason. Two really cool people who don't come out enough. Just saying. I was actually at their wedding a couple of years ago. VERY cool. Too bad we couldn't stay and get drunk with, apparently, EVERYONE else there. Ha.
So... can't find a Jack in the Box here. Not that it's on my list of shit I eat daily, but if I EVER get drunk here, I may need to hit that up. Just saying. I'll keep searching....
CAN'T WAIT FOR FRIDAY! I am really ready to see my folks and hang with people that like to party like me. Having the 80's party at Mac's on Saturday for Josh and Jered's birthday, even though Jered doesn't want it. Birthdays are a HUGE deal to me. I figure, you get ONE day a year... one day that's your's and no one else's. And I say celebrate the shit out of it! Get down with the get down. Do a little dance. Make a little love.
Hope to see you guys Saturday. If not, you suck as a person.

Until next time....

Sunday, June 6, 2010

June 6, 2010

Got up way too early today. How does one go to bed at 2am and then get up at 7:30am and can't go back to sleep.... well....
Actually went to the apartment gym again today. Go me. Got on the treadmill for about an hour and a half. Go me. Sweating like Michael Jackson at a weenie roast.
After a shower and little Hulu action, Natalie and I went to the mall. Just so I can walk somemore? Bought a couple of shirts and some pants and sat and waited for Natalie to be done. Which gave me AMPLE time to do one of my favorite things: people watch. Noticed that this mall isn't for broke folks. You can't fall into the Gap at this place. Which means the people in this place were DOUCHE bags. With a captial DOUCHE.
Exibit A: Popped collars.
I'm not sure who brought this back from 1987, but they should be shot and skinned. Only one douche bag with his collar popped, I saw, but boy was it POPPED! That shit look like it was pressed and starched to cover his ears. No need for that. Seriously. Go home.
Exibit B: Sunglasses indoors.
Didn't realize that inside Express was SO bright, that you have to wear your sunglasses to hide from the light fixtures. You ain't foolin' nobody, man... I can see right through your sunglasses to your douchebaggery. Go home.
Exibit C: Flexing your bicep in public.
I couldn't hear the conversation on this one. All I know is that this dude was trying to talk to some chick and he pulled up his right short sleeve and flexed his muscle. I don't care WHAT you're talking about over there. There is NEVER a reason to do that shit in public unless you're in the Olympics or your name is Sylvester Stallone. Go home.
After the mall, went to Denver's Chalk Art Festival, which was pretty awesome. Very cool projects. Ridiculous talent. Made me so jealous, I just wanted to break out the waterhose. But I didn't.
Tomorrow starts another week at work until I get to go home for the 80's party at Mac's Tavern. Should be good times. Hope I can find something to wear.
Who am I kidding. I still have clothes I wore back then I still wear today. Hence the mall trip.

Until next time...

June 5, 2010

My first weekend here.
Woke up this morning, in DIRE need of a haircut. Got it done and found a church in the same plaza next to a liquor store.... ok? Let's just be clear on something. This place has an abundance of three things: cows, liquor stores, and Subway restaurants. Since Discount Liquor has to be somewhere, I guess it's "best" next to a church... not so much.
Came back to the apt and walked for a bit to get my "exercise"in. Good times.
Today we went to Estes Park to check out the Stanley Hotel. Which, if you don't know (you should be ashamed) is the inspiration for Stephen King's, The Shining. STUPID excited about this. The tour was awesome. Showed us the many rooms that Ghost Hunters showed on their special. Which made me like it even more. Took loads of pictures, TRYING to capture anything but didn't. The tour guide was ok, she was just a little young and WAY into her job a little too much for me. At one point, she tried to say that a little kid ghost was around her feet... really? Come on, now. You're talking to a fanatic here. I'm no dummy, dummy. Took the picture anyway, just to say I did it. Nothing there. Imagine that.
Walked around Estes Park and realized why I will never, EVER have kids. Sylvia took her son with us today, which is a really cool kid, but just made me all the more aware of why I don't have any and never will. It was funny, though, that when we got home and took awhile to get out of the van, he yells out, "I HAVE TO POOP!!". Haha. That's pretty tripped out.
I do have to say that my smoking has significantly cut done since I've been here. You can't smoke anywhere inside here and I'm too lazy to go outside so it's just a couple a night now. Not a bad thing.
Hung out with Jackie tonight at Baker Street in Denver. As I was pulling in, I realized people staring at me as I was driving by. Almost got upset until I realized they were wondering why Skychefs was cruising through the parking lot.... ooops.
Good times with her. Talked awhile, made fun of drunk folks, and made it home before I got in trouble with a company vehicle.
Home now, waiting on a couple of text responses. Yea... I know. I'm an idiot.

Until next time....

Friday, June 4, 2010

June 4, 2010

Today was not too shabby. Work was work. Drove home and realize, I have not seen a Jack in the Box all week. Ain't that a.... if I want drunk tacos, where the hell am I supposed to go?? That's just unheard of.
Got home and Natalie and I decide to go to Black Eyed Pea because she's never been. And man... what a mistake. I swear, you needed your AARP card just to get in the door. So many old people, I thought I was visiting a nursing home. It got to the point where a woman walking with a cain was helping her husband out the door. Now... wait.... if you need a woman with a motherf'ing CAIN to help YOU walk out the door.... nigga, just give up. Seriously. It's time to go.
Left BEP, and on the way out, saw some gangstas trying to pimp their ride. Only their "ride" was a neon green VW bug.
A bug.
You can NOT ever in life pimp a neon gree VW bug. You can be a 19 year old in 1975 and STILL not pimp a neon green VW bug. Someone told this fool wrong. He ain't got no friends.
So after watching the first half of Naked Gun: Police Squad, I decided I did NOT want to sit at home on a Friday night so I went back to Thirstys for some karaoke. Yea, yea, I know... big surprise. I sit alone at a table when a girl walks in, orders a drink, and sits by herself. Can't really see her face, but I she's alright. Her name is Wendy and it's her turn to sing.... oops. She should have sat back down. Almost.... almost there, but wow. Not at all.
Don't judge me. I'm a karaoke dj. I'm supposed to judge.
She sang, "When You Say Nothing At All". Which used to be a good song. Until her lyrics turned to, "...if I ever I fall, you say it best" which I'm pretty damn sure ARE NOT the words.
Later on, she ended up coming and talking to me because she sang another song and I was the only nigga in the room that clapped for her. Get what you get, I guess.
What made my night, though, were the 8 white folks in the bar that thought it was a good idea to get up and start dancing.
I told you, white people are funny.
I have never wanted to laugh so hard in my LIFE, but couldn't. Since I was alone, they would have KNOWN what I was laughing at. It was like watching a retard trying to catch a fly. You know it just ain't gonna happen.
Home now, and ready for the bed. Going to visit the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited. Let's see if I can catch a ghost.

Until next time....

Thursday, June 3, 2010

June 3, 2010

Another almost sleepless night, but that's ok. Got more sleep than I have the last couple of days. What can ya do...
Work was busy. Had several calls, several papers to go through, and a taco for lunch. Not too shabby.
Had dinner with Natalie at Jimmie John's. I only ate half, because my head was not in it. It's Thursday. My head was already in it's 3rd beer.
After I dropped her back off at the apartment, I HAD to find a bar. There was just no if, and, or buts about it. I am not used to this being in bed by 10pm thing. And It's THURSDAY, damnit! Don't judge me. On the way to dinner, we passed a little hole-in-the-wall called Thirstys. My kind of place, right.... not so much.
Walked in and they checked my id. Cool. Wanted so bad to sit at the bar, since I was alone, but it was COMPLETELY full of people that should have been in Maypearl, TX. (No offense, Donnie). Walked to the bar and order one whiskey 7. Snaggle tooth at the bar looks at my bracelet and compliments me. Cool. And then she goes into why she doesn't wear bracelets. And keeps going. And going. I realize I am barely smiling, "listening" so I grab my drink and head for a tv. Sit there and realize how much I FUCKING miss Mac's. I could use the strange ones that go there to talk shit to Jennifer or Autumn. As much as I want to punch them sometimes when I'm there, I miss it now. Because with all these white folks in this place, I'm afraid I'm about to get hired to mow a lawn.
Leave Thirstys and meet up with an old friend I haven't seen in years. She happens to live down the street from my apt. Have a few at Buffalo Wild Wings and try to head home. Note: I said "try".
Get about 3 miles away from her house and get stopped by a train. Not just any old train, but the jack ass of ALL trains. It's barely even started when I get there and I am 4 cars back. It slows... of course. Stops. Goes forward a little. Stops. Backs up. Stops. Goes forward again. Stops. Backs up. Goes forward halfway through the motherf'ing train. STOPS. And backs up. By this time, I want to shit down Mr. Union Pacific's throat. FORTY MINUTES, I sit and watch this ass hole back up and pull forward. Has to be a chinese person. It doesn't help that the only stations on the radio playing any music, in the retarded kids bus I'm driving, were Delilah, and one of the 2 mexican stations Denver has. There is so much "love someone tonight" I can take.
But... I finally get back, pimp park the short bus, and now I'm up in the apt paying bills and about to watch whatever comes up on Youtube. Or porn. Whatever pops up first. (Hey-O!) Whatcanyado.

Until next time....

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

June 2, 2010

It's now the end of day 2 at the office. Still no sleep, but I think it'll get better. I mean, seriously, I can't really get any LESS sleep.
Spent the ENTIRE day on the motherf'ing phone, meeting after meeting after meeting after motherf'ing meeting, all starting at 7:30am. Ain't that a... stupid time change.
I wore my slacks for the first time today and realized why I've never worn them before. Not tight, ride high, and make me look like I'm 65. 'Nuff said.
Had dinner at a mexican restaurant (imagine that) and had 2 margaritas because that's what the happy hour special was - buy one, get one free. What? That's my favorite number. That's like saying, "Here, have a dollar. In fact, naw brother man, here have 2."
Now, I sit in the living room of my cool apt, using someone else's internet connection because I can't get mine to work, and wish I was at Mac's with a $5 pitcher in front of me. It's early... maybe I can make it before 2am.

Until next time....

June 1, 2010

Denver: where the creeks look like rivers, the hills look like mountains, and instead of dead squirls, there are dead gophers.
The going away party was freaking awesome. Thank you SO much for coming out, if you did. If you didn’t, MAN, you missed one hell of a party. Ol’ Troy took over as DJ for me with about 15 minutes of training, and I was ready to offer that nigga a job. Did a bad ass job. Of course I cried… a lot. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was because I’m a sensitive guy – who cares. I did and it was ok. I thought at the time it was freaking stupid to do so, especially because it’s not like I’m never coming back. I think it was more because I am so used to being able to go out EVERY night of the week with these people and I can’t really do that anymore. Eh…
Monday morning sucked tale because of the 4 hours of sleep I got the night before and the amount of alcohol STILL left in my blood stream. I seriously couldn’t have passed sobriety test. (Neither could have Bryan, I’m just saying.) Had a good breakfast an extra small fruit bowl at IHOP with B, Hillary, and Josh. They all took me to the airport. Shaking and on the verge of tears AGAIN, I sat at the gate and put my headphones on tried to stay cool. Cause… you know… I’m cool like that. Took the most horrific, center-seated, HUNGOVER flight ever in life. To the point where I was going to throw up on the lady next to me because she kept trying to talk. “Look, lady. I’m gonna barf on your face if you ask me about my job one more time.” Didn’t say it… but thought it. A lot.
Got to Denver and went immediately to a bbq.

Ok, so there’s a German, a Brazilian, and a Mexican at a barbecue and…

No, not a joke. True talk. And a BUNCH of white people and all their damn kids running around. STILL HUNGOVER. Ate nothing, drank nothing, just wanted a bed. They were incredibly nice people. I just in no mood to socialize with white folks.
Finally got home and unpacked. Popped in “Spartacus” and could not sleep. Ain’t that a… I tossed and turned all night long. Woke up every hour at least once. Finally just got up at 5am and took a shower and got ready for my first day at the Denver kitchen.
I posted this before, but I think it’s damn funny: Someone told me that the population in Denver was made up of only 18% Mexicans. I got to the office on Tuesday and found out where all 18% worked. I haven’t seen that many Mexicans with hairnets since I watched Bound by Honor.
(Hold for laughter)
Had dinner with Sylvia’s family and now….
I’m at home, getting ready for bed because of a stupid 7:30am conference call. Thanks, Mr Time Zone.

Until next time…..