So I'm sure most, if not all of you are very aware that me and Uber Eats are best friends. I babysit his kids and he borrows my apt when he wants to cheat on his girlfriend. Like, they should be my emergency contact because they always know where I am.
Although I am a VIP member of the Uber Eats community - self proclaimed - I have had several different incidents with these people that make it very much a love/hate relationship.
First of all, I'm an avid believer in feeding the less fortunate. So, occasionally, I'll order food and then fall asleep before it gets here just so that the Uber driver can have dinner. I'm a good person like that. I've bought them pizza, Jack in the Box tacos, McDonald's ice cream sundaes, and even fried chicken. And you know how I am about fried chicken. It's all on purpose, too. I absolutely mean to fall asleep after I order food at 2am after a night out on the town. It's my way of giving back to the community.
Now saying that, there are times these people test my nerves.
I ordered cheesecake once to be delivered to my apartment. I am not proud of this moment, but it happens. They are little cups of cheesecake with all sorts of flavors and they are fucking delicious and stop judging me. The lady delivering these little cups of heaven to me was in my complex and couldn't find my apartment through the parking garage and winding (one hallway) apartment corridors. She messages me, "Can you come to the front and I'll meet you there."
My response.
"Lady. What part of ordering cheesecake delivered makes you think that I'm willing to walk anywhere to meet you?"
Same apartment complex, I ordered Church's Fried Chicken. Again... you know me and fried chicken. The driver was in the parking garage and going around and around, as I could see his whereabouts on the app.Circles and circles, messaging me that he was on the way.
And then I see him exit the complex.
With my chicken.
And then he cancels the order.
Uh. Sir. Did you just thieve my chicken?! Where the hell do you think you're going?? I contacted Uber and they said that I didn't meet the driver. I told them I tried to, but he kidnapped my goddamn chicken.
They made me pay and I went to bed hungry.
Last night, we had some bad storms here in Dallas for about, I'd say, 45 seconds. Tornado warning went off and was quickly canceled by the National Weather Service. I had ordered Chicken Express - stop judging me - and was waiting on Karen to pick up my order. She calls at one point and says, "The sirens are going off now and I think I need to take cover." No problem. Be safe. Just bring me my chicken. Again, I can see her driving on my app. I see her going toward Chicken Express to pick up the order, and then turn right.
And she kept going.
And kept going.
And kept going.
Bitch. Where the fuck you going?! Chicken Express is the other direction! I WANT MY CHICKEN!! I messaged her, "Are you still going to pick up my order??" And she calls. "I'm looking for cover." Where you looking for cover, in your garage?! This bitch made it all the way to Mesquite before I canceled the order.
All in all, I love Uber Eats and should be part owner with the amount of my money they have. I completely endorse it and will always depend on them to feed me early morning and late night and all the times in between. And from time to time, I may even still feed the drivers. You know. On purpose.
Until next time...
