Sunday, August 7, 2011

Birthday Suit and Thai

So this past weekend, my colleagues and I decided to take a little trip to Bangkok, Thailand. We figured we were already this far into Asia, why not take that leap to the other side of the Bay and hit up another Asian city. Just to get away from all the work stuff and whatnot. Let's just say.... success.
Let me first of all just say that I am REALLY glad I was traveling with white folks. During the days proceeding and even the morning of, Josh and Scott were talking about all the research they had done and looking up the area and finding stuff for us to do and stuff. Research? Really? I was just hopping on a plane and seeing where the plane took me. I hadn't done NONE of that shit. That's why they make movies like The Hangover and Hostile about niggas like me. Just saying.
If you know me and "vacation" time, when I break... fool, I BREAK! I start drinking as soon as the day starts, don't wear underwear, I starting eating cheese and shit - nigga, I'm WILD! So as soon as I got all ready and packed, I headed downstairs to the hotel bar and waited for the other two to get ready. Only had one.... I'm not sure if I'm ready for my boss to see the alcoholic in me yet.
The flight only took 4 hours and the seats came equipped with screens so that we could play games and watch movies and whatnot. Flight even came with a meal service and free drinks. Already! Food wasn't too bad but the wine was better. Watched two movies in between getting up from my seat every time the Indian with the bladder of a 3 year old had to get up. At one point, he tried to get over me without me getting up by stepping over me... hold up, dude. That' ain't happening. Not trying to have a grown ass man straddling me on a plane just so he can urinate. I'll stand, thanks.
Once we find our way through the airport, trying to get into the right lines and whatnot, we finally make it out to the line of cabs waiting and I thought I was in The Fast and the Furious Part 6: Bangkok Boogie. EVERYONE of the cabs were brightly painted, neon running lights, and techno music blaring. We found one and he was concerned with how many bags we had... because his truck had his speaker system in it and it wasn't going to fit too many bags. Really, dude? I can't fit my luggage 'cause you got 2 carpeted speaker boxes back there and your amp? Nice. On the way to the hotel, he busted out his tv screen so that we could, apparently, watch his favorite Thai soap opera. At one point, he started laughing so we started laughing at him and I swear that fool thought we understood what happened. All I understood is that something happened and they started playing the cartoon "wha-wha" when something bad happens.
The hotel was REAL bad ass. All the up until we got to the front desk and noticed that the dude at reception had a Wayne's World 2 eye... Where you didn't want to stare, but couldn't help trying to find out what the eff he was looking at and with which eye... swaying back and forth to see which one followed you.... damn.
I'm going to hell.
Our first night on the time was AWESOME! Started out with dinner with Scott and the Josh and I hit up the night life. Bar after bar after bar after go-go bar. Sat at one bar and, in true Thai fashion, a girl comes up to talk to Buckley. She ends up hanging out with us all night. We'll call her the "tour guide". Showing us the ins and outs of the area and which were the "lady boys" and which weren't. SO glad she was there for that one... That shit can be really confusing. That's all I say about that...
After the bars closed, she said there was a club still open around the block. So. In true drunk fashion, J Buck and I hit up a club at 2am. Dancing and shit? I thought I was 18 again. Except afterward when I tried to walk out and my freaking legs were sore. Oh yea. You're 30...
Oh. And white people are funny. You know what means. Just saying.
There was a diner right outside the club so we stopped in for food. Hello, early morning hamburger. Some of the tour guide's friends joined us for a bit. I don't know if it was just a bad accent or my drunkeness, or the fact that it was 4:30am, but I have NO idea what one of them was saying. I think her name was "Puta". And when Josh and I started laughing, no one understood why. All I know is that she ate all my damn fries and kept saying, "I hungy! I hungy".
Ok lady. Whatever you say.
Quotes of the night:
"One of those street vendors had crabs."
"Thai hoes really help your self esteem"
Saturday, we went shopping during the day and hit up the same spot at night. Josh, again, got hit up by some random STUPID whore. We had to leave there before she pulled his penis out there at the bar and went to town. After that, went to one of the coolest shows in Thailand. It was weird seeing the people that were there, too. Mostly American. Including this one dude with a t-shirt on, shorts pulled up to his chin, and some of the raddest kicks ever! This fool was REAL confused. We took way too many shots, bought ping pong balls to throw at the girls on stage (really degrading, and I'm ashamed of myself for doing it... but DAMN it was fun), and then someone tried to be a jackass and my glasses got knocked off my face and broke. But after all the shit WE did, if that's all that happened... ha. That shit was tight...
Sunday was spent shopping again. At the mall, though, we ran across a restaurant called the Sunrise Taco - Authentic Mexican Food.
So of course we ate there and of course this authentic mexican wasn't having it. Did enjoy the margarita, though. Rice was terrible, tortillas were old, and the salsa tasted like Pace. Pft.
We sadly made our way to the airport around 6pm via train. We drug ass trying to get through security, and even more so boarding the plane. SUCH a fun city we didn't want to leave.
The plane ride back to Mumbai was crap from the beginning. I had another aisle seat and the people walking by KEPT hitting me. There was even this one dude who was trying to let someone by and kept shoving his fat belly in my face. I mean BAD! I felt a little violated. I think he was trying to get fresh. I got hit with the food cart twice. The dude behind me made me pull my seat up because he couldn't eat. (Fatty McGee didn't need to eat anyway). And the dude in front of me had the most RIDICULOUS reclining chair that I thought that nigga was in my lap. Saving grace was that I was sitting next to two English chicks that were pretty cool. We played Who Wants to be A Millionaire for most of the trip.... they were WAY smarter than I... me.... I.... whatever.

Back in Mumbai for another week and then I'll be home this Saturday for my birthday (hint, hint). Going to see Travis and Zuriel's show with special guest, Alan Shields. "Getting the band back together", as T would put it. Ha. It'll be good times. Having the big bday party with Bryan and Troy next weekend at Mac's. You should DEFINITELY hit that up. It's time to turn 30 in style. I may even take a shot or two. We'll see.

Until next time....

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